Laying it all out..

So, when I blog I try to be as open and honest as I can. This blog is going to be especially hard for me to write. I have been dealing with a lot of different things lately, but I feel like I need to share them. 

* If you don't read it all, make sure you catch the end. =) It's the best part.*

As you probably know, I am no longer at school. Things have been getting better. I feel like I am right where God wants me. I still really miss it though. I have been trying to go down there to visit every once and a while... whenever I get the money. It's been a struggle though. Everyone has gotten a lot closer since Christmas break. It's exciting. I am extremely happy that they are all becoming more like a family, but at the same time its been hard for me to watch and not be a part of it. I am starting to feel as if I am drifting away from a lot of them. It's hard, because I know I am where God wants me, but I can't help but want to be with all my friends... growing in my friendships with them. 

My friends here in Melbourne consist of two people.. both of which are my cousins. It's been extremely hard, not having the strong friendships I use to have here. Don't get me wrong, I have more than just my two cousins as friends, but they are the only people I hang out with and see out of church. I'm a very social person, so this is really breaking me down. I've learned a lot about myself, but I think its time for me to start putting myself out there to make new friends. I've stopped going to our college group at church. I'm not really sure the exact reason, but I think I am just scared to make new friends. I so desperately want to hold on to the memories I had with my old friends... I think I am scared to move on.

Next would be my job. I have really been struggling, because I am not getting worked at my job for more than 4 to 8 hours a week. Being back from college, I have had to start taking more responsibility and pay for a lot more, but at this rate, I'm not making enough money to do that. I've really been trying to prove myself to all the managers that I am a good worker and they can rely on me. Hopefully things will start to pick up.

I've been thinking a lot about marriage. It's hard... I've never been in any kind of relationship. I've never had anyone interested in me... that I know of. It's just tough thinking about that, and wondering if there really is someone God has for me. I go through really good times, where I am completely trusting God, and then come the times where I am doubting it all. That's where I am right now. 

And lastly, I have really been doubting my voice a lot lately. I know its just satan... it's a struggle though. I feel like I was growing so much at school. My voice teacher was amazing. She was really the first voice teacher I had that I could understand exactly what she was telling me. I miss my lessons, and I miss my teacher. She always knew the right way to encourage me, and she never let me give up. 

So, I can't post this ending on this note... Here is some encouragement. I was reading in Proverbs today and I came across this verse... "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." Prov. 18:10 

This is a chorus to a new favorite song of mine. Its by planet shakers and its called Healer.

"I believe You're my Healer, I believe You are all I need,

I believe You're my Portion, I believe You're more than enough for me,

Jesus You're all I need."

That's it. At the end of the day, I know Jesus is there. I know He is my Healer. We all go through hard times, but it's okay. I know I have grown stronger coming through them all.